It's been almost one full year since I decided to put a helmet on my seven year old son and put him into a gas-powered racing vehicle for wheel-to-wheel racing. As he climbed into a kart at On Track Karting in Wallingford, CT yesterday, I couldn't help being struck by how much has changed and how much we've both grown in a year.
My son is not really one of those kids who seeks out danger. The opposite, really. He is sensitive and cautious and considerate. This meant that there was a bit of trepidation when he first found out he was going to do kart racing. There was excitement too, for sure. He was genuinely excited to race and no small part of that was him knowing how much I love motorsport and wanting to, very considerately, make sure I was happy. Some might say that I dragged him into the sport, but the truth is a bit more nuanced and complicated. I have met amazing people through racing. It takes a certain type of person to even entertain the idea of doing it. I am that type of person and I enjoy the personality traits of others who do the same. There is risk and danger, yes. But there is competence and professionalism and commitment and constant growth. The psychological training and mental focus of racing is absolutely intense. For those of us who love it, there is nothing that compares. As Steve McQueen once remarked, "Racing is life. Anything before or after is just waiting."
As soon as he met the minimum age criteria at F1 Boston (7), I started him in an instructional week-long camp at F1 Boston where they emphasize safety and courtesy on track. There were two camps of kids, mainly. Those who wanted speed at all costs. And those who were very cautious. And there was one outlier who is a story in and of herself. My son was cautious. And not fast. And I was happy about that. As much as I'd love for my son to be the next Aryton Senna, my main goal is for him to be safe. And to enjoy the sport safely.
As time passed and he raced in the league about once every two weeks, he improved dramatically. At first we had to work through the basic mechanics of how to drive the track - the line, braking, and how and when to stay on the gas. It's funny to have to tell someone to stay on the gas on a race track, but putting yourself in the shoes of a seven year old kid in a gas-powered kart going 40mph (which feels like about 70mph in a car) - there is some real fear. After spinning out in a turn or two, he was frustrated and cautious. He became overly cautious and did not carry much speed through the turns. And he was jabbing daintily at the throttle on the straights. To not build up excess speed. To not be scared.
As a parent, there is so much worry at first. Why did I put my kid in this situation? What parent in their right mind would do this? Are these other aggressive kids going to drive safely and get around him without incident? Seeing your kid be scared and knowing there isn't anything you can do to help them out there is very hard. You can't comfort them or encourage them. You have to let go and trust them to figure things out for themselves. And to deal with what is presented to them. It's really hard on everyone.
Once he got driving down a bit more and his lap times improved, it was time to start talking about racing. My cautious, considerate young man did not really want to pass people. He knew what it felt like to be passed. He is never happy about it. He's had some epic meltdowns from falling behind in the race and bringing up the rear. And if other kids break rules and pass him under yellow or red flags? Watch out for the anger and emotion. Most of the time, if he got stuck behind a slow kart, he would end up dutifully following that person around the track for the remainder of the race, despite going much slower than he was capable of driving. So we had to start helping him understand passing and positioning on track. It's not easy to teach. Some kids are aggressive and are trying to pass before they really have the skills to drive well. Not my son. He's a fairly good driver now. We can all still improve our speed and our line, but he's got it pretty well down. The passing, especially on tight kart tracks with other kids who don't often leave room - that's tough to coach.
The first time he made a legitimate pass (albeit on a driver who was a couple seconds per lap slower), he did a fist pump immediately in his kart on the straight. You could feel the joy and you couldn't help but smile. He had genuinely worked at something, been very frustrated and emotional, but had overcome the situation and found a way to improve and overcome. Most improvements of position in racing come at the expense of another. And this is a great lesson that you don't get too often in other sports. You are competing against friends in a very one-on-one manner out on the track. It's personal. But it should be professional and compartmentalized. And you need to learn to be gracious and appreciative. My son is learning those skills now - and I have the direct opportunity to have him in situations where I have to make sure he learns those skills.
Yesterday, at On Track, he hopped into a kart with no fear. He will always be cautious. But despite about a month since he was last racing, he went out and relearned the track and got up to speed. He ran three races and improved his times dramatically. In his last race, he lapped the field twice, passing other karts all over the track, and put in a lap that was the 13th fastest junior lap that day. He came in P1 and the joy of accomplishment he displayed was overwhelming to me emotionally. He was happy and seeing his progress come to fruition is a true gift that I relish. It is a hard fought win - for both of us.
On this Father's Day, I sit here with joy, pride, and some small particle in my eyes that must be irritating them to make them slightly misty. My son has grown into a racer that I am very proud of. One that is considerate, cautious, but also fast and skilled. I had to accept that without allowing some risk in life, some accomplishments would never be able to happen. The true goal from the outset was growth as a father and for my son. This isn't the only way to get there. Motorsport is not cheap and always involves some danger. But knowing that your child is equipped to take on a year-long-or-more challenge, one that is fraught with ups-and-downs, emotional highs and lows - and that he can get through it and get to the other side - that is the best thing I could want as a father. Hopefully it just keeps getting better. And he just keeps getting stronger. My growth as a parent has come from putting myself into a situation where I have to watch my child struggle and I can't do anything but watch. I need to have faith in him and trust him to do the right things. I can't do it all for him. I am starting to understand why the complexity of parenting just keeps increasing as kids get older. I hope I can keep up.
On Track has now added karts for kids as young as 3! These lower-powered karts are run on their outdoor track and consequently weather-dependent so my daugher was not able to race yesterday. But the adventure for her - and me - is about to begin. And I have a feeling that it's going to be a very different experience. Her metallic pink Bell racing helmet has been ordered. And she is very ready at 5. The next challenge is set to start! Let's hope I survive this one!
A very happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. I hope you are all enjoying this new journey as much as I am. I really miss my dad. I'll spend my life filling a hole in the hope that my son won't ever have to feel that way. And thanks to all the moms out there for letting us be dads. That too takes a huge leap of faith. My wife is already headed for sainthood. She makes me looks much better than I am each day and I am very thankfully that she keeps me around to enjoy all of this. Happy Father's Day!
